January 26, 2017- Sarasota, FL
This Shabbat was unlike any others as we spent it around the table in the family room of Tidewell Hospice in Sarasota caring for my mother-in-law, Carol Weinberger. On last Sunday, my brother-in-law, Mitch, found his mom face down on her desk in her room at Heron’s East. She was unresponsive. 911 was called and she was transported to Sarasota Memorial Hospital. When I arrived on the scene Monday morning, Carol was in too much pain.The doctor asked how long we had been married. I replied about 30 years. She said, “Then you can weigh in, and with the permission of my husband, we asked for Hospice. By 3:30 that afternoon, they had transported Grandma Carol to the Hospice House. The intent at this point was to get her pain under control and to keep her alive through January 24 as this date is the birthdate of her oldest son, Mitch, and the death date of her late husband, Jack Weinberger. We did not want to repeat any history for Mitch. I stayed with her that night, and at 12:01 a.m. the nursing team came in and proclaimed she survived and a new date was upon us. The medicine regiment sped up and we found ourselves in a holding pattern. I am grateful for this community service as it helps people transition from unmanageable pain to their next stage, and in this case, it will be the afterlife.
Erin, our daughter, flew in from NYC on Wednesday, and together, we diligently prepared a hearty Shabbat dinner for Steve and the Weinberger side of the family. Cousins Joel Schwartz, Renee and Jason Winoker joined us at the table. Friday morning, the Hospice director, asked if we wanted to use their Shabbat candelabra. We were honored. In exchange, Erin explained to her that what her staff does for their patients is the highest of mitzvot. According to Jewish law, Halakhah,…“The dying person must be treated as he was always treated, as a complete person capable of conducting his own affairs and able to enter fully into human relations even unto death. Further, the Jewish tradition of never leaving the bedside of the dying is of immense value, not only to the dying person but also to those about to be bereaved. How helpless and how guilty we must feel when we hear of the death of a loved one, especially if no one was there to ease the fear of uncertainty and the pain of separation.” We have each taken our turns to stay with mom and have kept her apprised of the comings and goings of family members. She has had the opportunity of all three of her children, Mitch, Steve, and Martha to comfort her. Her brother and sister-in-law, Harold and Marilyn Schwartz, have visited. Her “sister” and best friend, Jackie Jefferies flew from St. Thomas with the original intent of celebrating her birthday with her (January 26). Her grandchildren, Lauren, Erin and Jake have been by her bedside as well. She is leaving a beautiful legacy of family.
Our meal on this Friday night consisted of the following: Fresh Red Snapper and Swordfish squeezed with fresh Meyer’s lemons from our tree and dusted with Himalayan Pink salt baked at 425 degrees, avocado tomato salad, rough cut potatoes, oven-baked zucchini and squash marinated in Ms. Olivia Haynes’ balsamic dressing, blueberry and raspberry olive oil salad, Publix challah and wine from last Shabbat. We recited the blessings so Grandma could possibly hear, and enjoyed conversation and a hot meal. Mitch even hinted that my dinner was good.
Shabbat Shalom